What do we want in a marriage? What is it we strive for and look for?

       I was able to do some cool research on my family, last week I discussed how large my family is. It is wonderful! While studying my family some of the things I looked for were if my family had a tendency to stay married. As I studied I found only 5 divorces in the 90 marriages within 3 generations. I think that is pretty cool!

       So what makes a marriage stick? Why do some marriages last, and some don’t? Obviously there are multiple answers to that question, and it is like opening up a can of worms. But as I thought about this question in my own family I found a few things that stood out to me.

       Most of these marriages were marriages that were sealed for not only time but for eternity as well. I strongly believe that it makes a difference whether the marriage is a covenant marriage or a contract marriage.

       In marriage, do you believe that you should give 50% and your spouse should provide the other 50% of the relationship? Elder Bruce C. Hafen said that often it is expected in a contract marriage each spouse will give 50%, but what happens when that 50% isn’t reciprocated? To often we see that when this happens a contract marriage wants out of the bargain, the contract is not being met, and therefor they have no obligation to stay.

       But in a covenant marriage it isn’t 50/50, it should always be 100% from one spouse and 100% from the other. It leaves no gaps and there is not contract to fulfill. It is, as Elder Hafen said, like a hireling vs. a shepherd. When things get dangerous and scary the hireling will flee, the shepherd will fight till the death.

       What if we treated our marriages like this? What if we fought to the death to save our marriages and treated each other as a shepherd treats their flock? How then could our marriages fail. The pure and selfless act of loving each other unconditionally despite our faults and arguments and imperfect nature, what if we fought for this?

Reference: Bruce C. Hafen, “Covenant Marriage,” Ensign, Nov 1996, 26