Creating Healthy ties with in-laws

I don’t know about you, but I had heard lots of stories about the dreaded “in-laws.”  I was very worried about who my mother-in-law would turn out to be especially.  And when I found out my finance had sisters, I was especially worried.

The first time I met my mother-in-law we were on our way to pick up my husband, or boyfriend at the time, from the airport and his plane was delayed, for 8 hours!  So they took me to their house and I got to know them without the support of Andrew.  We had started to play games, and one of the first things my mother-in-law did was pull out a piece of paper to write all the things they didn’t like about me on it, in front of me.  Thankfully they were kidding, but it kind of left me terrified.  That evening on our way out the door for him to take me home, his father expressed his concern, I was only 18, and that he thought we should seriously consider not getting married for a multiple of reasons.  The next day, we came back and were engaged.

Fortunately my relationship with my in-laws turned out to be ideal.  For they followed some great rules.

Harper and Olsen suggest that some ways that we can create healthy ties with our families, such as

·      Newly married couple should leave their parents and live in their own home.

·      Problems should be discussed between the newly weds and not with others.

·      Not pressuring the children for constant attention, often leaves the newlyweds to figure out life on their own, and because they aren’t pressured to visit, the often visit more.

·      Accepting differences between the families

·      Not interfering with parenting or the way they choose to create their own identity.

·      Only offering advice when asked, and in a loving spiritual manner.

·      Building relationships with the new daughter-in-law or son-in-law.

·      Being supportive of their decisions.

My husband’s family is probably the best I could have hoped for.  I really appreciate the support and love they give to me.  They don’t treat me like a daughter-in-law but as a daughter, and are always respectful of boundaries and helping us grow as a couple.  If I can do half as well with my children as they grow older then I will have it made.